Twilight Turmoil - The Spanker Civil War - Sackhoff Implored to Mediate

POSTED BY:  bellaspank 

 

This article is a cry out for help to our Team Leader. TeamSpank is in total disarray. The Spankers are distraught. Never in it's entire long and colorful history has TeamSPank seen such conflict. Such tension. Such hate. We are at a crossroads and this is all because of Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores). It has split our beloved Team right down the middle and it's frankly getting ugly. We need some guidance - some intervention - before our whole world of SPanking turns completely to shit. Our Team Leader is something of an expert on this issue and so we're sure she'll know what to do. TeamSpank can survive without BSG, without Lost & Found, without The Last Sentinel even, but I don't think we're going to be able to survive this.

Katee - helpppppppppp!

Things have gotten so out of hand that some Spankers are trying to 'psych out' their fellow Spankers with emotional warfare. For example, founding spanker FatApolloLoveSpank, has taken to shoving the following picture down her oppositions' throats in an all out assault on her Twilight foes.

Pure evil. And pretty damn funny. Some spankers have taken to tricking others into watching YouTube vids of Twilight scenes by renaming the link "Katee Sackhoff Lost & Found Promo". That's just fucking low.
Yes the Spankers are divided. On one side we've got the "Twilight Lovers" and on the other side we've got the "Twilight Haters". Then we've also got this fence-sitting in between group - the "Twilight Couldn't Give A Shitters".
Some Spankers really seem to HATE Twilight. So much so that the TeamSpank Executive Council have had to impose some special measures at the TeamSpank Treehouse. They have set the word censor to work, preventing some of the more contentious, shit-stirring words being used by belligerent Spankers. Here are a couple of examples:

• The word "Twilight" now becomes - "Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores)".
  Let's call a spade a spade. Katee Sackhoff does adore Twilight and the "haters" need that fact shoved down their throats as often as possible.

• The word "hate" now becomes - "love with the fire of a thousand suns".
  We don't 'hate' at TeamSpank, so those hostile outbursts have got to stop. (Blame/thank SwimSpank for this one).

see below for some examples of usage

Make no mistake - Katee Sackhoff is a Twilight Lover. There is no debate about this. Spankers have personally, with their own eyes, live and in living color, seen our Team Leader wear a Twilight T-Shirt. You don't wear a T-Shirt and force your boyfriend to watch the movie under sufferance if you are a "Hater" or a "Couldn't Give A Shitter". The very fact that this woman bothers to launder clothing that is ablaze with a Twilight logo shows TRUE commitment.

Evidence (as doctored by DJspanker)

Even though my namesake is a protagonist in the story, I would still fall into the "Twilight Couldn't Give A Shitter" group - I haven't seen a frame of the movie or read a page of the book series and I don't understand what all the fuss is about, (although I must say the lead boy and girl seem fairly enticing). Having said that, I am predisposed to favoring the 'Twilight Lovers', purely because it's fun getting a rise out of the people who seem to love with the fire of a thousand suns it so much. But whichever way Spankers swing on this issue, we need to resolve the conflict now. Stop the insanity! Can't we all just try to get along?

Katee Sackhoff - what on earth are we going to do? Help!!!!

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A sample of Twilight word censor usage, courtesy of Stylo Spanker. This is what he typed:

And as twilight approaches through the window behind my desk,....I realise that I did not get to eat today and only drank half of the coke on my desk. But a half a coke by twilight is better than no coke at all and soon my twilight snacks will be just smashing.

The censor changed it to this:

And as Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores) approaches through the window behind my desk,....I realise that I did not get to eat today and only drank half of the coke on my desk. But a half a coke by Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores) is better than no coke at all and soon my Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores) snacks will be just smashing.

If anyone quotes or repeats Stylo, then the truly sublime Twilight Infinite Loop Anomaly kicks in and you get this:

And as Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores)(which Katee Sackhoff adores) approaches through the window behind my desk,....I realise that I did not get to eat today and only drank half of the coke on my desk. But a half a coke by Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores)(which Katee Sackhoff adores) is better than no coke at all and soon my Twilight (which Katee Sackhoff adores)(which Katee Sackhoff adores) snacks will be just smashing.

Yes the Twilight word censor is a thing of rare beauty. It mightn't be doing much to help end the Civil War Crisis, but it's certainly fun knowing that everytime the "haters" see it, they die just a little bit more on the inside.