Collarbone

Collarbone

ALERT! ALERT! Katee Sackhoff, if you are reading this, we strongly recommend that you exit this page immediately. You SHOULD NOT read the following article under any circumstances, as it may result in you being compelled to wear a Burka for the rest of your days and to never again venture anywhere near a camera. After much debate, it was decided that TeamSpank had to include this incredibly bizarre article under the terms of our OpenSpanking policy and also because we frankly find it rather funny. However, it is not our collarbone being placed under the microscope. If you or your minders feel it is all a little bit too much to cope with, then let us know and it will be summarily deleted. As TeamLeader, you of course have the power to veto any site content. (The contact link is at the bottom of the page). TeamSpank stresses that this article does not represent the opinions and/or sicko fantasies of all Spankers, the majority of whom cannot tell one collarbone from another. We'd also like to point out that it was written by an 19 year old straight female. How does that work? by FatApolloLoveSpank It has come to the attention of several members of TeamSpank (who would notice such things) that Katee Sackhoff (QueenSpank) has an undeniably perfect collarbone. TeamSpank recognizes this fixation as perhaps a bit “pervy”, but we generally like to think of it as mere appreciation for the human form. It is not overly pronounced or obnoxious and would appear to be an ideal place to lick (see glossary: *Lick* (Desired and/or Implied Action)) or nuzzle (see glossary: *Nuzzle Nuzzle* (Desired and/or Implied Action)). TeamSpank also recognizes Katee Sackhoff’s right to be a bit disturbed by this notion of being licked or nuzzled by random people on the street…but it is risk she had to have known she was taking when she appeared in episode 309 (Unfinished Business) which is also known as “Ode to Katee’s BODY” or “Hotness and Nearly-Naked Boxing Is the Fucking Shit”. The above picture is a screen cap that is taken from episode 309 and is a favorite among TeamSpank members when expressing appreciation for Katee’s collarbone. The shadowing and camera angles really expose all its general splendor and perfection. It is perhaps the greatest of the Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures. A Blatantly Awesome Collarbone picture refers to a picture in which Katee’s entire collarbone is exposed and looks phenomenal. These pictures are usually captioned with a *Lick* or a *Nuzzle Nuzzle* no matter how many times they are viewed. The majority of this particular type of collarbone picture comes from episode 309 or any episode in which Katee wears the sports bra (see glossary: SportsBra). The above picture is from episode 215 (Scar). It is, for this reason alone, a Q.K.E. (see glossary: Quintessential Katee Episode) However, Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures are not exclusive to the SportsBra. There have also been the occasional Blatantly Awesome Naked Collarbone pictures…most of which are exclusive to episode 309 but have also been known to occur on occasion in any episode in which Katee’s character engages in StarSex (see glossary: StarSex). The above picture is from episode 309. Again. Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures are not limited to Battlestar Galactica. Luckily for TeamSpank and all the crazed fans who actually get off their asses and attend conventions, Katee Sackhoff manages to bring her collarbone with her everywhere. It definitely puts her in greater danger of being licked, but generally it is pretty decent of her. The above picture is from, I believe, a ComicCon in 2007. In…San Diego? None of Team Spank was in attendance, unfortunately and so they cannot confirm. The location could be confirmed online, of course, but the majority of Team Spank is too lazy to check facts. In any event, notice the collarbone exposure in this blue dress…it is quite remarkable. Notice also the generous and admittedly flawless amount of cleavage (see glossary: Incredible Inflatable Cleavage, The). This is what can also be termed as a Collarbone Combo picture. A Collarbone Combo picture is a picture in which Katee Sackhoff’s collarbone is exposed, along with any other of her Incredibly Desirable Body Parts. This could be her Incredible Inflatable Cleavage or it could also be her chiseled abs (see glossary: Pillow Abs), her jaw-line (see glossary: Intense Jaw-Line), her breastbone (or chestplate), her super-jacked arms, etc. In a Collarbone Combo picture the collarbone can be the main focus, or it could also play just a supporting role. People will generally be more inclined to look at it, even if this is the case, simply because it has a certain thrall which some have called “irresistible”. The above picture is from episode 208 (Final Cut). Speculation suggests the episode title stems from Katee’s “cut” body, which is featured in this episode fairly prominently. Most of TeamSpank feels that this Collarbone Combo picture may even outshine Jamie Bamber’s infamous “Towel Scene”. In addition to Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures, Blatantly Awesome Naked Collarbone pictures, and Collarbone Combo pictures there is also the type of picture we like to call Partial Collarbone pictures. This is where one side or half of the collarbone is hidden. This can refer to an article of clothing or simply the way Katee Sackhoff is standing at the time the picture was taken. The above picture is from episode 309 (the extended version). As you can see, only half the collarbone is completely visible simply because of the way Katee is standing. Some less experienced people might think that because only half the collarbone is visible it is only deserving of half the appreciation and/or lust. This is not the case. While it is true that less of the collarbone is visible, one must take into account the Law of Constants (which, in a nutshell, says that just because we can’t see the collarbone doesn’t mean it ceases to exist). So, in the scenario in which the collarbone is hidden because of posture, not clothing, we call these pictures Implied Collarbone. The above picture is from episode 317 (Maelstrom) and is a Q.K.E. (see glossary: Quintessential Katee Episode). As you can see, this is an Implied Collarbone picture because of the nature in which it was shot. Too far away to see any real definition, Katee’s shoulders and general speculative nakedness suggests that her collarbone is fully exposed. This is a very acceptable picture to follow with the appropriate reactions (*Lick* or *Nuzzle Nuzzle*) because sometimes implications are much more powerful than cold, hard evidence. It cannot be expressed enough that Implied Collarbone pictures not be confused with Malicious Collarbone Obstruction pictures. The above picture is from episode 220 (Lay Down Your Burdens: Part II) and is a prime example of a Malicious Collarbone Obstruction picture. As you can see, Katee Sackhoff is wearing an excessive amount of clothing. And while it is quite fetching on her (and while this may or may not be the scene where certain members of TeamSpank made the transition from lusting after Katee Sackhoff to wanting to date and/or marry her) it totally covers any hint of the collarbone. This is completely unacceptable. Thus far, the front half of season 4 is not looking very promising for Katee’s Collarbone. Team Spank has been graced with such startling promotional pictures such as this one: It is well known among Battlestar Galactica fans that Katee Sackhoff’s collarbone suffers most when trapped beneath The Dreaded Flight Suit (which has afforded us the majority of that Malicious Collarbone Obstruction pictures). However, some sketchy (probably very unreliable…since I don’t even remember where it was) source stated that Katee Sackhoff may have expressed that she has, in the front half of season 4, been “naked on set”. This affords us a great amount of hope for the future and gives us something to look forward to during the hiatus. TeamSpank acknowledges the possibility that diction might be misleading and Katee Sackhoff is simply referring to that time she went streaking through Vancouver. Click here to read more fun stories about Katee Sackhoff's Collarbone during BSG Season 4. Malicious Collarbone Obstruction looks like it will be the rule rather than the exception this year, sadly.

Off-Topic But Yeah, Whatever

POSTED BY:  MaxiSpank

I'd just like to take this opportunity, (in this highly, ridiculously inappropriate location), to express my utter dismay and devastation. I am completely crushed. Just moments ago I went to make my first hot chocolate of the year, only to discover that THERE ARE NO MARSHMELLOWS IN THE CUPBOARD!

OMG I want to die. Does anyone have a gun? (They are illegal in Australia but I'm sure that some of you US folks might be able to help out). I could always try auto-erotic asphyxiation I suppose. That could be a fun way to alleviate my sorrow (although it wasn't much fun trying to spell it correctly).

Forgive me for sharing my sadness with you all, but I just felt compelled to express my disappointment on a worldwide stage, such is its profound intensity. No marshmellows. I just cannot believe it. I truly want to die. I think I'd rather watch Maelstrom again and see Starbuck blow up into a zillion tiny pieces than drink a hot chocolate with NO MARSHMELLOWS. Woe is me.

I supppose I should get this pathetic ramble back on track by way of mentioning that there were happy times this week on BSG. Of course Cally croaked it, which is something that most BSG fans have been hoping for since Season 1 when she turned from a loveable rogue into an insufferable whinger in the space of one smack to the jawline. But the truly wonderous news is that there was TOTAL COLLABONE EXPOSURE. FatApolloLoveSpank has apparently been in a mad frenzy ever since and I believe she has already penned the 3rd installment to the BSG Season 4 Collarbone Companion Series, so look out for that in a couple of days. She's already done wonders this season with not a lot of source material to draw from, so one can only imagine what Fats is going to pull out of the hat since she's no longer dealing with Total Collarbone Block.

On a side note, speaking about 'worldwide stages' just reminded me to pass on that Katee Sackhoff - you are very big in Mauritius. I am able to look at the site stats for who is visiting TeamSpank HQ and yep you are a winner in Mauritius, Katee. Of course Katee is getting by far the most hits from the US, but strangely Mauritius was fourth or fifth on the list. I'll have to post all of that stuff here in a couple of days - it's very interesting. People from over 25 countries frequent the site.

I can also see which Google search terms lead people to TeamSpank HQ and frankly one or two of them made me double over in hysterics. My personal favourite was "Mary McDonnell Nude". (Just so you know, there are NO photographs of a partially clad Mary McDonnell displayed anywhere on this site).

Chops

POSTED BY:  MaxiSpank

 

Some may say that TeamSpankers are biased about Katee Sackhoff's acting ability because we are her fans and our judgement is clouded. To that I would respond that we choose to be her fans BECAUSE of her amazing acting gift and that we wouldn't be anywhere near as interested in her if she didn't blow us away with her acting. So (in the words of Katee herself) - put that in your pipe and smoke it!

The following are some TeamSpanker reflections on Katee's performances in the new BSG seasion. (Katee must not be allowed to read any of this - we wouldn't want her head to swell).

Here's a little effort by FatApolloLoveSpank, from our little watering hole, The Treehouse. I believe this was written immediately after Fats watched "Six of One" and her enthusiasm is pretty damn infectious ...

"what got me was right after adama choked her out and she was like, half-laughing half-crying...right before she did the screaming thing. oh my god. i flipped. and then at the end when adama was watching her and she was just lying there kinda sobbing "go back..." really quietly. like she was in pain. oh man. katee rocks my world. seriously. her acting chops are like.....WURD.
and, i'm sorry, that scene with her and roslin at the beginning. one of the best scenes in the show i've ever seen. it was so fucked up and katee did SUCH a good job. really. i loved it. like, that scenario could not have played out any better.
plus, she got MANHANDLED TO THE BRIG! WURD!!!!!...
...i want to marry katee sackhoff and her acting chops. fureal".

And here's a post "Six of One" reflection from SwimSpank:

i need an entire post just to say

katee sackhoff is the most brillant actor

ive ever seen

and this episode is proof

I would also like to add my own little nugget. I listened to part of the Bionic Woman commentary the other day, and David Eick (exec producer of BSG and Bionic) had this to say:

"Katee is probably pound for pound the best pure actor on Battlestar Galactica".

At TeamSpank HQ there's a lot of Katee Sackhoff piss taking going on (only cause she's so fun and also cause she's been in some really shite films that make 'taking the piss' very easy), but let's face it - no-one can deny her incredible acting gift. Phenomenal.

For more measured reflections on the new season of Battlestar, head to The Treehouse. Oh, and don'f forget, Fats' new 'Collarbone' review will be up shortly. Not that I was really paying attention in "Six of One", (cause I was swept away by the plot and Katee's amazing acting chops), but my gut tells me it's going to be dark times for Katee's collarbone this week. No shagging, no sportsbra, no pushups - ergo, no collarbone. Where are they hiding that sucker?

Updates

POSTED BY:  MaxiSpank

 

So I think we can probably move on from the birthday thing safely now, before that card on the front page drives all to the shrink and the drink.

Here are a few new site addition thingos you really need to know about:

• The Sackhoff Gold page has been updated with a particularly shameful addition.

• In other earth shattering news, FatApolloLoveSpank has announced that she will be writing an episodic, tent-pole series based on her groundbreaking Katee Sackhoff piece, "Collarbone". Fats has informed us that for each new episode of Battlestar Galactica Season 4, she will be writing a companion piece detailing the trials and tribulations of Katee's collarbone in that episode, as it endeavors to overcome that pesky flight suit and the Malicious Collarbone Obstruction that results. Dark times.

Fats' Collarbone reviews can be found in the Katee Reviews section, from the Katee menu. The first one is now posted for your viewing pleasure - that is if you are as depraved and unhinged as the rest of us and get a kick out of that sort of thing. (The Collarbone things are sick but they are bloody funny).

How is it that I am far more curious about what Katee Sackhoff would feel about Fats perving on her collarbone than I am about what happened to Starbuck after she blew into a million bits?

 

Note to Fats: I'm just a little curious about your review/s in the week/s where Katee doesn't appear in the episode at all. What will happen? That's got to be like the ultimate Malicious Collarbone Obstruction, wouldn't you say? Actually I think you need to come up with a new term for that occurrence, 'cause "Malicious" just isn't going to cut the mustard when that happens.