TeamSPank, Longmire, and Katee Sackhoff

Greetings!

Sorry for the long absence. We've been trying to get our act together. If you know anything about us SPanks, you know this is nearly impossible for us. However, we are going to make an attempt to make our presence known. We do not in any way pretend to be anything official regarding Katee Sackhoff. We are a group of fans that have been around in one form or another since Katee's days on BSG. We may occasionally post newsworthy stuff but will never make an attempt to take the place of Katee's official website. Most of the stuff we post will be the total opposite of news. It will be mindless drabble for our own immature entertainment. That's how we roll.

The SPanks are super excited that Katee Sackhoff will be back on our television screens tonight! We are so stoked about Longmire that we can hardly contain ourselves. Here's a little preview...

If you're just now discovering the awesomeness of Katee Sackhoff feel free to check us out. The link to where we hang out is on the right side of your screen. Click it and see what we're do in our spare time.

Stay tuned for further "news" and happenings of Katee Sackhoff and TeamSPank!! Next up..."Just What is TeamSPank and How Was it Born?"

Sentinal Shame

TeamSpank HQ - Reviews

Sentinel Shame By MaxiSpank

Katee, next time you wanna learn how to knife fight - just take private lessons. PLEASE! Why did you do it to us? Did you owe someone sexual favours or something? Do you realise that you don't have to do someone's movie as a favour for them, just because they bought you a drink at the pub? It just doesn't make any sense. You're wayyyyyyy out of that league. It is going to take the TeamSpank constituency a long, long time to get over the "Sentinel Aberration". You have said a few times about "The Last Sentinel" that "it was what it was". And what was that exactly? Crap? Travesty Next time you feel compelled to do shite like this, Katee, please let us know in advance. The TeamSpankers will gladly whip the hat around and raise enough to cover your salary - we'll pay you NOT to do it. Shouldn't cost us much - did that thing even have a budget? We noticed you parading around in your Starbuck costumes - so "The Last Sentinel" budget obviously didn't extend to wardrobe. The Last Sentinel Promo OMG it's excruciating just trying to make it all the way through the promo. In a way we can understand that you wouldn't worry about inflicting this crap on us, because you don't actually know us as real-life humans. But, for the love of God, surely you didn't make your loved ones suffer through this abysmal travesty. Surely you didn't make your parents watch it. That would have been such a low act. Did you even watch it yourself? Katee Sackhoff, as punishment for the damage you have caused to your Team and your loved ones, we sentence you to be strapped to a chair and forced to watch "The Last Sentinel" at least 4 times consecutively - in its entirety. That includes all of your scenes AND all the rest of that insufferable crap. (4 times may seem a little lenient, but if you've actually seen "The Last Sentinel", then you'd understand that 4 times would be plenty. Her therapy bills are going to be horrendous). Honestly, I have Maxi here sitting with me right now, and even he could have come up with a more riveting, better written narrative. And Maxi is a Maltese Terrier. We don't want to get narky here about the other actors' performances, but let's just say that Maxi would have also brought considerably more life and range to the lead male role. And Maxi's a pooch. At least when Max is attempting to shag the sofa, he seems pretty enthusiastic and gives it his full committment. Unfortunately the same can't be said for your leading man, Katee. "Stiff" would probably be an appropriate adjective for that man's performance. But then so would "flaccid". The TeamSpankers noticed that Katee didn't want to name "The Last Sentinel" in the interview that she did recently on "The Hour" (watch it below). Why was that exactly Katee? You should always take pride in your work. *TeamSpank collectively shakes head in dismay*. We knew exactly what movie you were talking about. All adult Spankers have no doubt been guilty of questionable career decisions. But holy crap Katee, you must have used up a lifetime supply of questionable decisions all in one hit on "The Last Sentinel". Perhaps you should pay penance in the 'The Last Sentinel' Anti-Appreciation Thread' (in the TeamSpank Forum), where TeamSpankers go to vent about that (monumental) aberration and get it out of their system. We also notice that you were a little contrite about "The Last Sentinel" in "The Hour" interview, and that you thought you should pay us for our time. Yes indeed Katee, that would be the appropriate response. An invoice will be coming. However, we will be offering you a 65% discount, as most TeamSpankers were sensible enough to fast forward through non-Katee scenes. It's still going to cost you - TeamSpankers are mainly highly-skilled professionals and our average hourly rate is obscene. We will only be charging you for 45 minutes (with the fast foward discount), but multiply that by about 100 Spankers at our obscene hourly rate. Have the BSG cheques have started flowing again? You might have to hock your bike. Katee Interview On "The Hour" - evidence of her "The Last Sentinel" shame Katee Sackhoff, we defy you to find one solitary fan, over the age of 8, who "loved" The Last Sentinel. If they say they 'loved' it, they were just being polite. Or they wanted you to buy them a nice christmas present. 'The Last Sentinel' - Points in its favor Believe it or not, "The Last Sentinel" had two or three redeeming qualities: Katee Sackhoff was in it. While this was very unfortunate for her fans and loved ones, Katee's presence would have been a nice treat to the casual viewer, who perhaps enjoys that standard of shite on a daily basis. In fairness to "The Last Sentinel", it wasn't the worst movie that this reviewer has seen. Halloween 8: Resurrection was probably worse. At least one male TeamSpanker has been known to enjoy one particular scene from "The Last Sentinel" a little too much. I believe he fondly refers to it as "the Side-Boob" scene. We will spare Ms Sackhoff the indignity of displaying that particular footage here. The 'side-boob' scene was in no way gratuitous - it really moved the plot forward. It was absolutely essential to the narrative. That movie's storyline would have come completely off the rails had Katee not done a bathing scene with side-boob! (Actually I think the crew probably just wanted to perve at Katee's tits). In Conclusion Never again. Please. PLEASE. Footnote: Attention fellow Spankers! Never, ever watch any feature movie if the promo begins with the words "In a world where....". That is a red flag that you should always be on the look out for. "In a world where...." = formulaic, uncreative shite. Without a doubt. Every time. They can't even bother trying to be creative in a two minute promo - so that doesn't bode well for the full-length film.

Collarbone

Collarbone

ALERT! ALERT! Katee Sackhoff, if you are reading this, we strongly recommend that you exit this page immediately. You SHOULD NOT read the following article under any circumstances, as it may result in you being compelled to wear a Burka for the rest of your days and to never again venture anywhere near a camera. After much debate, it was decided that TeamSpank had to include this incredibly bizarre article under the terms of our OpenSpanking policy and also because we frankly find it rather funny. However, it is not our collarbone being placed under the microscope. If you or your minders feel it is all a little bit too much to cope with, then let us know and it will be summarily deleted. As TeamLeader, you of course have the power to veto any site content. (The contact link is at the bottom of the page). TeamSpank stresses that this article does not represent the opinions and/or sicko fantasies of all Spankers, the majority of whom cannot tell one collarbone from another. We'd also like to point out that it was written by an 19 year old straight female. How does that work? by FatApolloLoveSpank It has come to the attention of several members of TeamSpank (who would notice such things) that Katee Sackhoff (QueenSpank) has an undeniably perfect collarbone. TeamSpank recognizes this fixation as perhaps a bit “pervy”, but we generally like to think of it as mere appreciation for the human form. It is not overly pronounced or obnoxious and would appear to be an ideal place to lick (see glossary: *Lick* (Desired and/or Implied Action)) or nuzzle (see glossary: *Nuzzle Nuzzle* (Desired and/or Implied Action)). TeamSpank also recognizes Katee Sackhoff’s right to be a bit disturbed by this notion of being licked or nuzzled by random people on the street…but it is risk she had to have known she was taking when she appeared in episode 309 (Unfinished Business) which is also known as “Ode to Katee’s BODY” or “Hotness and Nearly-Naked Boxing Is the Fucking Shit”. The above picture is a screen cap that is taken from episode 309 and is a favorite among TeamSpank members when expressing appreciation for Katee’s collarbone. The shadowing and camera angles really expose all its general splendor and perfection. It is perhaps the greatest of the Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures. A Blatantly Awesome Collarbone picture refers to a picture in which Katee’s entire collarbone is exposed and looks phenomenal. These pictures are usually captioned with a *Lick* or a *Nuzzle Nuzzle* no matter how many times they are viewed. The majority of this particular type of collarbone picture comes from episode 309 or any episode in which Katee wears the sports bra (see glossary: SportsBra). The above picture is from episode 215 (Scar). It is, for this reason alone, a Q.K.E. (see glossary: Quintessential Katee Episode) However, Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures are not exclusive to the SportsBra. There have also been the occasional Blatantly Awesome Naked Collarbone pictures…most of which are exclusive to episode 309 but have also been known to occur on occasion in any episode in which Katee’s character engages in StarSex (see glossary: StarSex). The above picture is from episode 309. Again. Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures are not limited to Battlestar Galactica. Luckily for TeamSpank and all the crazed fans who actually get off their asses and attend conventions, Katee Sackhoff manages to bring her collarbone with her everywhere. It definitely puts her in greater danger of being licked, but generally it is pretty decent of her. The above picture is from, I believe, a ComicCon in 2007. In…San Diego? None of Team Spank was in attendance, unfortunately and so they cannot confirm. The location could be confirmed online, of course, but the majority of Team Spank is too lazy to check facts. In any event, notice the collarbone exposure in this blue dress…it is quite remarkable. Notice also the generous and admittedly flawless amount of cleavage (see glossary: Incredible Inflatable Cleavage, The). This is what can also be termed as a Collarbone Combo picture. A Collarbone Combo picture is a picture in which Katee Sackhoff’s collarbone is exposed, along with any other of her Incredibly Desirable Body Parts. This could be her Incredible Inflatable Cleavage or it could also be her chiseled abs (see glossary: Pillow Abs), her jaw-line (see glossary: Intense Jaw-Line), her breastbone (or chestplate), her super-jacked arms, etc. In a Collarbone Combo picture the collarbone can be the main focus, or it could also play just a supporting role. People will generally be more inclined to look at it, even if this is the case, simply because it has a certain thrall which some have called “irresistible”. The above picture is from episode 208 (Final Cut). Speculation suggests the episode title stems from Katee’s “cut” body, which is featured in this episode fairly prominently. Most of TeamSpank feels that this Collarbone Combo picture may even outshine Jamie Bamber’s infamous “Towel Scene”. In addition to Blatantly Awesome Collarbone pictures, Blatantly Awesome Naked Collarbone pictures, and Collarbone Combo pictures there is also the type of picture we like to call Partial Collarbone pictures. This is where one side or half of the collarbone is hidden. This can refer to an article of clothing or simply the way Katee Sackhoff is standing at the time the picture was taken. The above picture is from episode 309 (the extended version). As you can see, only half the collarbone is completely visible simply because of the way Katee is standing. Some less experienced people might think that because only half the collarbone is visible it is only deserving of half the appreciation and/or lust. This is not the case. While it is true that less of the collarbone is visible, one must take into account the Law of Constants (which, in a nutshell, says that just because we can’t see the collarbone doesn’t mean it ceases to exist). So, in the scenario in which the collarbone is hidden because of posture, not clothing, we call these pictures Implied Collarbone. The above picture is from episode 317 (Maelstrom) and is a Q.K.E. (see glossary: Quintessential Katee Episode). As you can see, this is an Implied Collarbone picture because of the nature in which it was shot. Too far away to see any real definition, Katee’s shoulders and general speculative nakedness suggests that her collarbone is fully exposed. This is a very acceptable picture to follow with the appropriate reactions (*Lick* or *Nuzzle Nuzzle*) because sometimes implications are much more powerful than cold, hard evidence. It cannot be expressed enough that Implied Collarbone pictures not be confused with Malicious Collarbone Obstruction pictures. The above picture is from episode 220 (Lay Down Your Burdens: Part II) and is a prime example of a Malicious Collarbone Obstruction picture. As you can see, Katee Sackhoff is wearing an excessive amount of clothing. And while it is quite fetching on her (and while this may or may not be the scene where certain members of TeamSpank made the transition from lusting after Katee Sackhoff to wanting to date and/or marry her) it totally covers any hint of the collarbone. This is completely unacceptable. Thus far, the front half of season 4 is not looking very promising for Katee’s Collarbone. Team Spank has been graced with such startling promotional pictures such as this one: It is well known among Battlestar Galactica fans that Katee Sackhoff’s collarbone suffers most when trapped beneath The Dreaded Flight Suit (which has afforded us the majority of that Malicious Collarbone Obstruction pictures). However, some sketchy (probably very unreliable…since I don’t even remember where it was) source stated that Katee Sackhoff may have expressed that she has, in the front half of season 4, been “naked on set”. This affords us a great amount of hope for the future and gives us something to look forward to during the hiatus. TeamSpank acknowledges the possibility that diction might be misleading and Katee Sackhoff is simply referring to that time she went streaking through Vancouver. Click here to read more fun stories about Katee Sackhoff's Collarbone during BSG Season 4. Malicious Collarbone Obstruction looks like it will be the rule rather than the exception this year, sadly.

Boots

Katee Sackhoff definitely seems to enjoy a high quality boot. If she can't get another acting gig after Battlestar Galactica, she could probably land a job in a shoe store with her background in footwear. She must be something of an expert, when you consider how many boots she must have in her closet.

Here's another impressive boot shot... a particularly magnificent depiction of both the boots and the person wearing them. Great boots - impressive height. Black is always a winner when it comes to boots.

Sackhoff Playlist

Sackhoff Playlist

We recently learned, (from the horse's mouth), that Katee Sackhoff has read the following review of her playlist. She seemed a tad sensitive about it. I think DJ (the author) may have struck a raw nerve. I'd just like to point out to Katee if she ever comes here again, that I have also seen DJ's playlist, and it contains an Avril Lavigne song. DJ, you are in NO position to be judging Katee Sackhoff. What you should be doing is burying your head in the sand. Katee Sackhoff Likes "Music" - by DJspanker It has recently been discovered that Katee Sackhoff not only listens to music, but she provided her loyal fans with an "iTunes Celebrity Playlist". 1. "I'll Think of a Reason Later" (Lee Ann Womack): "This song was one of my favorites in high school. It got me through a breakup and made me laugh out loud when I heard it." 2. "Plush" (Stone Temple Pilots): "Anyone who can sing about burying a girlfriend they killed and having the smell become unbearable... Kicks ass!" 3. "Paper Planes" (M.I.A.): "I love this song and the story of the artist. It's a fantastic song to workout to." 4. "Stay" (Sugarland): "This is such a beautifully tragic yet empowering song. The video makes me cry all the time. Jennifer Nettles is one of the greatest songwriters around." 5. "Freebird" (Lynard Skynard): "I listened to this song every time I thought about moving to Los Angeles during high school." 6. "Angry All the Time" (Tim McGraw): "I love them and I love this song. Love and pain. Unfulfilled expectations of marriage. So sad!" 7. "When I Grow Up" (The Pussycat Dolls): "This would have totally been my theme song in high school. Love it!!!!!" 8. "Nothin' Better to Do" (LeAnn Rimes): "This song and her voice make me want to dance around my house every time I hear it." 9. "Friend of the Devil" (The Greatful Dead): "The Greatful Dead were my first concert when I was 14. (Trusting mother!) This was my favorite song." 10. "No One" (Alicia Keys): "Reminds me of how I feel when I think of my special someone." 11. "Best of You" (Foo Fighters): "Love them and this one is my favorite!" 12. "Jack & Diane" (John Mellencamp): " Still one of my all time favorites. Never gets old!" 13. "Just to See You Smile" (Tim McGraw): "A beautiful song about what you'd do for the one you love. Been on my playlist since I was 15." 14. "Head Over Feet" (Alanis Morissette): "I always wanted to know what this felt like. Wonderful." Ok, so judging by this list, it would appear that Katee Sackhoff enjoys country, with some random Rap/R&B sprinkled in, along with Alanis Morissette and John Mellencamp. That really does boggle the mind. I only say this because music is a really personal thing, and because I can't relate to this playlist one bit, I'm going to assume she's just.....confused. I'll listen to itunes snippets of each song, so my opinions aren't COMPLETELY unfounded: 1. "The Lee Ann Womack Song" - Ok, so KS claims this song made her "Laugh in High School" and that's great, because I just finished watching Freaks and Geeks, and man...people really need a good laugh in High School. I think my version of this song was Az Yet's version of "Hard For Me To Say I'm Sorry" and the only thing about it that made me laugh was the fact that I knew all the words like "man, how funny am I to know all the words to this really REALLY cheesy song" but I digress. So Katee Sackhoff liked this song in High School, and from the snipet I heard, it makes total sense. It's about some bitchy chick singing about another bitchy chick that she will find a reason to hate "later" good times Katee Sackhoff, but that still doesn't excuse you from liking this song. It's cute that you liked it, but still a little dorky. Just saying. 2. "The Stone Temple Pilot Song" - Ok, I had no clue what this song was about until I read KS's interpretation, and I must say...I love that. She truly is a sick sick fuck and a genuine spank to think it's "KICK ASS" to have someone write a song about killing their girlfriend and the smell becoming horrible. I was never a big fan of STP. I liked a song they did once after they weren't popular anymore because it wasn't the 90's anymore. I will say I have a new appreciation for both Katee Sackhoff AND Stone Temple Pilots, but that doesn't mean I'll buy the song or anything. 3. "The Paper Planes Song" - Oh Katee Sackhoff, you crazy woman you. When I first saw this list I thought "AWESOME...Katee Sackhoff and I have ONE THING IN COMMON, we both like the song 'paper planes'" then I read why she liked the song and it was because the chick that wrote the song had some kind of hard life in sri lanka. I say enjoy her music because she's some crazy rapper chick from India (Sri Lanka) who puts gun shots in her songs, and thus....they become awesome. 4. "The 'Stay' song" - Katee Sackhoff, why oh WHY do you keep putting country music in here? I guess I thought when it said "Sugarland" that it would be NOT country...like the band "Sugar Ray" or something. I don't know. So needless to say I was....surprised. Well, you continue to be cheesy in a way that I can't relate to. What I mean by that is, I love LOVE cheesy music. (just ask fats) but the closest thing to "cheesy country" that I get to is more along the lines of "folk" and not "twang" so maybe replace this song with some Nicklecreek and maybe we can continue to be friends. (and by "Friends" I mean "Creepy one sided hero worship on my part, and cold indifference on yours") 5. "The Skynard Song" - I like the first part of this song. I think I even have that part of the song on my Itunes, but I had no idea that it was a nine minute song, because it cuts off once it gets fast. I'm all about southern rock......ok, that's a lie. I could give a flying fuck about Southern Rock, I can't even pretend that because I'm from the South that I should care just a tiny bit about Skynard or those guys that sing "Sweet Home Alabama" (is that...skynard? because if it is, then I'll be like "woah, that's the same band?") This rant is obviously going no where at the moment, so let's see what katee has to say about it. She said it's what she listened to when she thought about moving to LA in High School, and thus she continues to prove how cheesy she really is, which I like and dislike...because like I said earlier, our cheesy natures do not come close to lining up. 6. "The Angry Tim McGraw Song" - Well, I know Tim McGraw is a country singer, so I was prepared for this, but then I saw that this is one of TWO Tim McGraw songs, and it's not even remotely "angry" sounding. I though they may have collaborated with Korn or Slipnot for this one, but I guess not. So my initial reaction was "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHY SO MUCH COUNTRY MUSIC AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" (oh yeah, I'm not the biggest fan of country music, if that hasn't already become painfully obvious, I'm telling you now. I blame my parents. One time I was going to play some Allison Krauss for my OWN MOTHER and she got this horrible look on her face and said in a very disgusted way "why are you listening to country?" and I was like "I don't know MOTHER why do you listen to ENYA!" ) So Katee Sackhoff continues to amaze me with how cheesy her playlist is. Go Ms. Sackhoff. WHOHO! 7. "The Pussy Cat Dolls Song" - Ok, before I listen to this, I must say I've never listened to this "band" because they stayed on the CW network while Veronica Mars got cancelled. So she says this WOULD have been her theme song if it had been out while she was in High School. It's stuff like this that makes me go "man, I fucking LOVE her" just because she's obviously a complete asshole about music. I mean, once you get past the country music she goes straight into top 40 "hip hop" (if it can....even be called that.) But yeah, Katee Sackhoff, go you! 8. "The Leanne Rimes Song" - Ok, so I knew this was going to be country, simply b/c it was a chick named "Leanne" and that's a standard or something. Her reason for liking this song was that it "makes her want to dance around the house" I say, that's cool, but why more country? and why TWANGY country. I mean, folk country is one thing (because I actually like that) and dark twang/honkey tonk is cool, like the theme to "True Blood." But this is up-beat honkey tonk, and frankly, it's gross. 9. "The Greatful Dead Song" - Katee, I never took you to be a Dead Head. But I also never realized the Grateful Dead where a chill band up until a few years ago. I use to think they where the founding fathers of Thrash metal. I mean, you know how they say "never judge a book by it's cover" well I constantly judge bands by their titles, and just assume the worst. Also, the reason she likes this song is because her MOTHER took her to see them, which probably just means her mother was a Dead Head in High School (or something, I don't know timelines here) which is pretty awesome. She claims the "trusting mother" but it's likely that concert was more for her mom than her. Go Katee's Mom, that's awesome. 10. "the Alicia Keys Song" - So she says this song is for when she thinks about "that special someone" and I"m guessing this person is currently Boyfriend Scott. I mean, by default R&B is sexier than HONKY TONK country, so I'm happy that it's an Alicia Keys song and not....another "leanne mcgraw" song, but it's still borderline. I say that because like most of the songs on this list, I haven't really heard of it, and the part I did hear is just kinda....whatever. I say embrace that side of you and go hardcore. Next time I want to see Little Kim or Trina (as soon as they get out of jail and cut a new album) on this list. Trust me, you won't regret it. (no, you probably will, most of us do. I know I do, because there is nothing like buying a cd and being able to say "oh man, she's totally sitting on that dudes face isn't she?") 11. "The Foo Fighters Song" - Ok, so I've heard of the Foo Fighters, and I know for sure they aren't country or R&B, which is cool. This is just her favorite song from this band, and that's fine...I guess. I mean, it would be fine if I liked the song, but just like STP...I liked one of their song back in the 90's when they where popular. I couldn't tell you what it is though. I won't pretend to like the Foo Fighters to avoid the inevitable hate mail. Like any good band, they should have all buried themselves with Kurt. Really. Show some respect to your suicidal front man...the Foo Fighters shouldn't even EXIST! 12. "The John Mellancamp Song" - Katee Sackhoff, after one song of not being totally cheesy, you go back and have a song 10x's cheesier than anything...ever. She calls this one of her favorite songs and claims it never gets old. I'm afraid she's just....wrong. I remember when Mellancamp came out with that "wild nights" song, and I would just look at the video and try and figure out if it was a dude or a chick that was singing with him in that song. I'll pretty much never get past that and still to this day, it's the only thing I can think of when I hear ANY Mellancamp song. Which never happens because I don't make it a habit of watching Vh1. 13. "The Other Tim McGraw song, the one about smiling" - Katee. Sackhoff. WHY! More cheesy songs about love and romance. She said she's had this one on her playlist since she was 15, which really just means one thing. Katee Sackhoff has been this cheesy for a LOONG time. Which is cool, it means that she hasn't let Hollywood (Canada) change her all that much. I would say don't LET Hollywood (Canada) change you, because that would be bad, and your mother would be like "you need to LEAVE Hollywood (Canada) before you become a complete asshole" And I think according to Katee, her mother has told her this, but I'm betting her mother has also not seen this playlist. 14. "The Alanis Morissette Song" - The Alanis Morissette era in this country was a pretty rough time. I was in 7th grade when that CD was popular...and I'll just leave it at that. With that being said, that era is something we NO LONGER talk about. If you have her on your playlist, you label it as something else and you just DON'T talk about it. So why bring up those dreadful years? why? WHY!

The List

The List

by TeamSpank

Att: Ms Katee Sackhoff, if you're out there:

We at TeamSpank HQ advise that you print the following document, (A.K.A. "The List"), attach it to your bathroom mirror and recite it out loud and proud before any future auditions and/or hot dates. Your agent should probably print a few copies also, to pass on to prospective employers who will thereafter be compelled to throw themselves submissively at your feet. The facts expressed in this document are sourced from interviews, video archives, still images and often from your own mouth, with a few educated guesses thrown in for fun - just because we can. The document is scientific and objective, with a slight smattering of saucy subjectivity - just because we don't get out much.

Katee, you should find "The List" extremely empowering and will consequently have no problem in landing any future job that you're after - or any hot boy that you're after for that matter. You should be extremely proud of all of your accomplishments and wear them as a badge of honor. Well done, sista. A+

(Katee, you can download a printable copy of The List from here, so that you can take it home and study it)

Katee Sackhoff - Curriculum Vitae

Special Talents/Accomplishments

• Mastery of offensive language.
• Can blow other folks off the screen, even while remaining still, silent and doing nothing in particular.
• Looks outstanding when sweaty.
• Rides a Harley D (or maybe a crappy little Honda).
• Gives good lip quiver. Particularly dexterous with the lower one.
• All the critics thought SHE should be the Bionic Woman. Na, na na na na.
• Spells her name unusually, because she's an individual and because she's too cool for school.
• Fan: "How fast can a viper go?" Katee: "As fast as the crew can push it". Haaaa. And she's a comedian.
• Prefers to do her own stunts. Remember that frisky scene from 'Scar' where Bamber gropes at Starbuck's undies?
  Not a stunt-arse.
• Is an exceptional juggler.
• Vastly experienced at skin scenes (and will use tongue).
• Can knit.
• Can put together an AK47 blindfolded and kill you with a knife
• Loves to gut her own fish. sick puppy.
• Is an animal lover. Bought a pup even though it was pissing on a picture of her head.
• She is very kind hearted. Only the most forgiving of souls could love a pug and yet she loves two of them.
• Takes her craft seriously. For example, studied her O-Face in the mirror.
• Wears a tank-top in a manner that is frankly pretty impressive.
• Has great volume and projection when she improv spits. Can achieve impressive distance.
• Has been decapitated on celluloid. Her corpse-less head did some of the best acting in that film.
• An existential thinker. Used the phrase "Happy as a clam". Can a clam truly be happy? How does one know for sure? Deep.
• Can sing - possibly even better than Hillary Duff. ("Hillary Duff - the gauntlet has been thrown!")
• Is an equal opportunity sex symbol:
  
  
  • Straight men want to marry her.
  • Straight women want to turn for her.
  • Lesbians want to frak her.
  • Gay men want her to frak them.
  • Transgenders aren't really sure what they want to do with her, but they promise it'll be a good time.
• Owner/operator of the 8th Wonder of the Natural World, the Katee Sackhoff Miraculous Quivering Chin. (nb the chin quiver and the lip quiver are distinctly different talents).
• Has appeared in at least 2 craptaculor films that many of her otherwise erudite fans were irresistibly yet perhaps regrettably compelled to watch. (The Last Sentinal, Halloween:Resurrection). Oh the humanity.
• What do these three women have in common: Imelda Marcos, Carrie Bradshaw, Katee Sackhoff?
  Hint: I can't see Mrs Marcos working the 'Come-Fuck-Me' boots quite as effectively as the other two ladies.
• Is totally a perfectionist. Case in point: a fan asked her if she had any regrets about her universally praised*, undeniably brilliant performance in 'Maelstrom'. After a moment's pause, Ms Sackhoff thoughtfully replied,
  "Actually I do. I wish that I had worn a bra. I have to try to remember that I'm not 21 anymore". Does any woman alive rock harder than this chick?
• Katee Sackhoff: "Dee, who???". ha.....
• Is a staunch advocate against discrimination & demonstrates this through her career choices. For example, was completely indiscriminate in choosing to appear in "The Last Sentinel".
• People have been known to find her collarbone extremely enticing and have studied its impressive structure in great detail and from many different angles.
  Mildly disturbing evidence of these studies can be found elsewhere on this site.
• Can be vey probing and insightful in interviews. For example once said "I'm gonna build an ark and pull a rabbit out of my butt". Pretty damn probing from the rabbit's perspective.
• Gives Oscar caliber performances even when appearing in documentary short films. In "Sex, Lies and a Videoblog", was so convincing that many of the audience actually believed she was knocked up with David Eick's love child. Her death stares were so venomous that even David Eick seemed to believe her. (In your dreams, David Eick). A nod must also go to Katee in "Sex, Lies" for frequent and creative use of profanity in an improvised piece.
• Is an exceptional juggler. (Repeated for emphasis).
  
  * except by those ignorant old codgers who vote for the Emmys.
  
  
  And now, for a complete change of pace:

Courtesy of StyloSpank (Note to blokes everywhere: this is how to get a chick in the sack):

• Flowers bloom just to make her smile.
• She makes blood thunder in your ears
• Her smile outshines the sun
• Your heart sings in her presence.
• Makes you want to ride to her rescue but can rescue you, when you screw it up.
• Skin looks as soft as rose petals
• Eyes can capture your heart and soul
• Can inspire you to be greater than you are
• Worth all costs, any price

And from the illustrious RileySpank (formerly AFRiley):

• Makes tomboys look hot.
• Makes walking like a man sexy.
• Looks great with purple highlights.
• Can put a smile on our faces any day.
• Makes boxing seem like foreplay.

Another addition from a seemingly dumb-struck admirer, Tschevy20:

• I can't think of anything half as funny or interesting to say to her. Except I love her.

Only one contribution thus far from EldarKinSlayer but it's pure gold (once you figure out what it means):

• Casey carried her to the top of the MILF list even though she really hasn't had any kids.

Contributions from FALSpank - formerly FatApolloLove. (Not the soft-core porn I was expecting, but still mildly saucy):

• can make otherwise happily heterosexual girls want to date/marry/be ON her.
• looks best when wearing a white sheet
• manages to outshine apollo's infamous "towel" scene with her "paintsex/bunk-writhing" scene...which, if you've seen apollo, isn't easy.
• looks stunning when all dolled up, but looks even better when covered with sweat, dirt, grease, and blood
• maybe you hated her in "unfinished business", but all she had to do was say "i missed you" at the end and everything she did do, will do, or ever thought about doing is completely forgiven (although, the sports bra didn't hurt either...). yes, she's just that good.
• is a sexy bag of sex.

Contributions from Slovenia by 3ripleSpank (formerly 3nity).
(A disturbing number of Katee Sackhoff fans can now swear fluently in Slovenian because of this person):

• She is excellent in jumping from mood to mood in a blink of an eye. Bljak!
• She's a girlie girl but has everyone fooled that she's a tough tom boy and this is very njami.
  (I'm not gonna translate for you).

Our newest Team Spank member, SpinnySpank, adds the following to Ms Sackhoff's mind-boggling list:

• Can tie the stem of a cherry with her tongue.
• Is very good at doing the thing that's the alias for the man who gave the anonymous tip to the newspapers in the Watergate scandal that led to President Nixon's resignation.

My US political history isn't spot on, but I believe that Spinny may be referring to Katee's amazing juggling technique, which we have covered previously. Oh well, her brilliance in this area can't be stated enough.

A new entry by larocque6689, the future LaroSpank, who is currently struggling with an Unfinished Business fixation apparently:

• Katee can make you lust after her, even after she's shattered your heart into a thousand pieces, and abandoned you for another man.

(I'd just like to point out that this person posts erudite articles in the Okay thread and yet has been reduced to such tragic utterances by the mysterious and perhaps evil powers of Ms Sackhoff).

Some midnight add-ons from LittleSpank (formerly DJVillian):

• Can work a sports bra in a unique and specific way.
• Some physical attributes include: Starbangs, wonderful shoulder muscles and a very "intense" jawline.
• Can use eyes and lips to convey emotions that are not written in the script.
• Can invoke reactions such as *nuzzle nuzzle*, *lick* and *THUD* from an otherwise articulate fan base.
• Appreciates her own acting ability almost as much as her fans. When asked "Who is your favorite character on TV?" she said, "Starbuck, but I'm a little biased" and when asked "What is your favorite episode of BSG?" her answer was "Maelstrom, because I was in it a bunch". Gold, pure gold.

And finally, a speech by StyloSpank, Katee's Knight in Shining Cyberspace. It's not really shit you'd put on your CV, but it speaks for us all and we thought it'd make her parents proud:

"I'd like to thank Katee's parents and their genes, the results of which are truly stunning.

I'd like to thank her Mom as she seems to have a great sense of humor and seems to have passed that on.

I would like to thank her brother who loves her enough to be totally uncomfortable when she discusses sexual experiences and last, I would like to thank Katee for being sister enough to not pass on digging in on her brother a bit because she knows it makes him uncomfortable. Just too funny".

Under Construction!

Hey Spanks! 

I'm starting the process of copying all of the old blog posts from teamspank.com over to the new TeamSPank Blog.  I'm copying everything as is and crediting the author at the top of each one.  Hopefully, I'll get it all right!  Let me know if I muck something up. 

I'm NOT checking or fixing any of the links though.  So if there's an old teamspank.com link it won't work.  Sorry.

Toodles!

AU