The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #1

Did we Mention....

KATEE SACKHOFF IS IN IT!!!

If you seriously need any other reason than this to go see the new Riddick film, there is something wrong with you. So, forget the other 29 reasons (except reason #15, which is also "Because Katee Sackhoff is in it." Yeah, we used this one twice, DEAL WITH IT!), and go to your nearest movie theatre (or the fifth nearest, we don't really care where you see it) TODAY and watch this film! Seriously, do it. Watch it. Watch it a few times. Take your friends. If you have a lot of money, we encourage you to buy up a bunch of tickets and pass them out to strangers. 

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #2

The Return of the MEZ!

The Magical Expression Zone (MEZ) is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It is the wonderful region between Katee's eyes, just before you reach the forehead, where literally a "shit ton" of emotional magic is taking place. We're not kidding, it's spectacular. Katee acts more with this square-inch region of her face than most people do with their entire body. Don't believe us? Just go and watch ANYTHING KATEE SACKHOFF HAS EVER BEEN IN and you, too, will notice the MEZ! Any excuse to see the MEZ in the act is a good reason to watch this film.

(sigh, I'd give you a link to the wonderment that is the Magical Expression Zone, but Spanks have a nasty habit of deleting pictures from their photobuckets after a certain length of time. So, the MEZ page is full of broken picture boxes. We'll fix this. I am quite certain an updated MEZ blog post is high on our list of priorities. The problem is that Spanks are also a bit lazy. We're working on this, too.)

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #3

We Get to See Katee Take a Shower ....Again!

Spanks and fans of Katee Sackhoff are no strangers to Katee in the shower. We saw her take a shower in The Last Sentinel (greatest movie of all time, cinematic brilliance! If you haven't seen it, go watch it, now. Right now. Seriously. Stop reading this blog post and go watch TLS, then come back and finish reading this blog post) and we saw her take a shower in Battlestar Galactica. We also saw her take a bath in The Big Bang Theory. We are looking forward to THIS shower scene so much more, though, because it will be on a huge screen in a dark theatre and the entire audience will be staring at her, so we won't have to feel like we're alone in our perviness. 

^^Crappy screencap from an international Riddick trailer. Why no shower scenes for American trailer?^^

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #4

Dahl is "Ten Times Tougher than Starbuck"

Wha?? How is that even possible?! We cannot wait to see this film and find out what "Ten Times Tougher than Starbuck" looks like. Wow. Just wow. 

Click here to watch Katee talk about how tough Dahl is.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #5

We Just Really Want to Know More About THIS:

I keep seeing this picture and I have NO CLUE what is going on in here, but I really, really, really want to know. And I really can't wait to find out what, exactly, Katee is doing in this scene. Is it serious? Should I be turned on? I don't know how to feel!! I'm in awe.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #6

Katee's Character has a Backstory, and it was created by Katee

We don't know what the backstory is, but we know that Katee felt it was important to know everything she could possibly know about Dahl, including the bits that weren't written or considered by the production team. For some actors, this is just par for the course, but the reason we're mentioning it for this character, specifically, is because we're pretty sure the backstory plays a big role on how Katee portrays Dahl. Like, we're pretty sure that Katee took the character she was given and made her even better than the writers and director could have ever imagined. TeamSpank is very familiar with Katee's ability to do this, but it never makes us any less thrilled that she does. Bravo, Katee, for always going the extra mile to please your fans and maintain the integrity of the story. We adore you for this!

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #7

A Crisis of Conscience, Maybe?

We haven't seen this film and we don't entirely know what's going to happen, but we're pretty sure that, at some point, Katee's character, Dahl, starts to question her mission to collect a bounty on Riddick's head (or something like that). Even the trailer shows her being a bit unsure that killing Riddick is a good idea, even though that was originally her purpose for being there. Some comments from interviews would suggest that Dahl and Riddick develop a mutual respect for each other and at some point, Dahl probably has to come to terms with the fact that the universe needs Riddick to survive or something, causing her to turn against all the other bounty hunters. Again, all speculation, but the trailer shows enough of Katee for us to know that she's having some kind of internal debate over whether or not to do her job.

This is what Katee's face looks like when she thinks something is a bad idea. Trust us, we're experts.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #8

Katee is Basically the Only Woman in a Big Group of Men

Aside from the usual, feminist concerns I would have in regards to there only being one female character to every, like, twenty male characters, I am actually kind of excited that it's basically just Katee in this one. She is one of the few actors I know who can totally pull it off. Frankly, one Katee Sackhoff is worth thirteen normal women; I have no doubts that she holds her own in this flick and does incredible justice to the (almost) only female character in this movie. You can't change society over-night, but you can totally rise to the occasion and prove to the world that you are so much more than the token female character. I just know that Katee is going to be so spectacular in this film and that people are going to be saying things like, "Forget about everything else, let's talk about Dahl! WHOA!"

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #9

SWEAT!

It's not something that can be explained and no one should ever try to explain it, but all of us at TeamSpank really like when Katee Sackhoff gets sweaty. Maybe we shouldn't be proud of this, nor should we probably be advertising it, but it is what it is. Katee always looks incredible, but something about the way her sweat makes her skin glisten is just, well, it's perfection. Again, we try not to overthink this one; we just let it be.

Anyway, we are pretty confident that this film will provide many opportunity's for Katee's character to get sweaty. Knowing TeamSpank, we'll probably devote another blog post to this subject once the movie has been released and we're able to screencap all the sweat-scenes. So, you have that to look forward to!

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #10

Katee's Costumage is Tight! (literally and figuratively)

We're pretty familiar with Katee in the most awesomely perfect outfits, but the one she gets to wear in Riddick is enough to make a person squirm. I'm not a mercenary or anything, but I'm pretty sure her sexy outfit is also incredibly practical. Take the lovely, slightly Steampunk corset she's wearing.... I'm pretty sure that provides ample back support so she can spend her days focusing on killing bad guys (or maybe good guys, we're not entirely sure which side she'll be on), without having to take breaks to rest. Because, you know, guns are heavy, so it's nice to have an amazing outfit that distributes the weight of your weapons so you can be a bad-ass while looking bad-ass.

(yeah, we already posted this photo, but it was worth posting again.)

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #11

Katee Gets to Say Curse Words

We have discovered that Katee is no stranger to using colorful words to spice up her stories (and insults), and we really like this about her. It's real, it's life, it's zen. In fact, studies have shown that people who swear actually have less stress in their life. True Story. 

We don't know how many times Katee will get to bust out the adult language, but her famous F-Bomb can be heard all around the world. This four-letter word coming from Katee's mouth is so special, so beautiful, that it even made the cut for the official Riddick trailer. So, obviously, TeamSpank isn't the only group of people who are really jazzed about Katee swearing it up on camera!

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #12

It's Entirely Possible that Katee will be on a Flying Motorcyle at Some Point, too!

I couldn't get pictoral proof, because the motorcycle scenes on the trailer were moving really fast, but it would seem that these awesome flying batmobile motorcyles are possibly the primary form of travel on this planet, so all of us at TeamSpank have our fingers crossed that one of these motorcycles will be driven by Katee's character at some point. But since we won't know until the premiere on September 6th, we'll just leave you with this gem, for now:

You're Welcome!

 Photographed by Dennys Ilic & Claryssa Humenny-Jameson, for the Acting Outlaws 2013 Calendar. Visit http://actingoutlaws.org/site/ for more!

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #13

Katee Sackhoff is Second on the Cast List!

This is a very big deal! Katee's name is second ONLY to Vin Diesel, which makes sense since he's Riddick and it's a movie about Riddick. But as a Spank, seeing Katee's name second basically means that this movie is completely about her. She's the star, her's is the most important character. With all the men, all the many mercenary-type characters, the people who made this film decided that Dahl was the next most important character after Riddick AND they decided to cast Katee in the role. I mean, we're just buzzing over this, really. Look, even IMDB has her listed second, just after Diesel:

Okay, upon further inspection, I discovered that Katee isn't always listed second in the credits, and might not even be second in the official credits that will role when the movie ends. But I like ....don't care? IMDB is the only thing most people pay attention to, anyway. So, whatever, as far as I'm concerned, no matter what list you try to show me, she's second. Which, as we discussed above, is basically first. 

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #14

Katee's Character is Familiar with the GUNZ!

There is something just so very, very right about Katee Sackhoff holding a gun. This isn't even a reference to Starbuck, either. Katee just really pulls off gun-holding in the most spectacular way. I mean, I could write stacks of poetry about how happy it makes me when Katee has a gun in her hand, and this is coming from a Spank who doesn't even like guns. That's how amazing Katee Sackhoff with a gun in her hand is, she actually makes me change my political views for a minute. 

Disclaimer: the political views of KeikeyaSpank, the author of this post, are her own personal views and do not reflect on the views of TeamSPank as a whole nor do we make it a point to know Katee's political views, because we just don't think it's any of our business. KeikeyaSpank's views were mentioned simply to paint a picture of the awesomeness of Katee Sackhoff. 

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #15

Katee Sackhoff

Do we really need to say more?

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #16

It was filmed in Canada.

TeamSPank has an unhealthy obsession with that place.  We don't really know why.  Add Katee Sackhoff to the mix and the results are bound to be amazing!  Just look what happened with BSG.

Speaking of Katee, you may have been wondering why on earth we would leave her out of our countdown.  Never fear!  The rest of the countdown will be devoted to our fearless Team Leader!  So make sure you tune in tomorrow to find out more reasons you should watch Riddick.  

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #17

We want to RULE THE DARK!

Let's face it.  The dark can be scary.  Things go bump in the night and hide in our closets and under our beds.  We want to learn how we, too, can rule the dark.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #18

It takes place on another planet! 

Sometimes, a change of scenery is nice. Let's face it, a lot of movies take place on Earth. It's been done.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #19

Riddick's eyes are glowing.  

By rule, we like things that glow, especially when they're body parts.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #20

We think this movie might be scary, which means that if you take a date to the theater with you, things are probably going to happen.

There are supposedly some pretty terrifying monsters of some kind in this flick.  As per creator David Towhy, "Riddick may be the most dangerous thing on the planet, but he is not necessarily the worst thing on the planet."  ooooooh.  I'm already looking for someone's shoulder to hide my face in.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #21

At some point, Riddick will give a bone-chilling monologue with that deep, scratchy, manly voice of his.

"They say most of your brain shuts down in cryo-sleep. All but the primitive side, the animal side. No wonder I'm still awake. Transporting me with civilians. Sounded like 40, 40-plus. Heard an Arab voice. Some hoodoo holy man, probably on his way to New Mecca. But what route? What route? I smelt a woman. Sweat, boots, tool belt, leather. Prospector type. Free settlers. And they only take the back roads. And here's my real problem. Mr. Johns... the blue-eyed devil. Planning on taking me back to slam... only this time he picked a ghost lane. A long time between stops. A long time for something to go wrong..." - Riddick, Pitch Black

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #22

The weaponry is sick! 

Gunz, machetes, more gunz, and what appear to be terrifying laser gunz. Lots of gunz, basically (and at least one machete).

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #23

I finally got around to watching the Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, this weekend and discovered that THEY'RE ACTUALLY GOOD!

I watched Pitch Black and it was dark and bloody and scary and cool and there was this cool character in the center of it that had a very don't-give-a-shit, laugh-in-the-face-of-danger humor and seriously bad ass skills.

Now, I've heard Chronicles has been criticized for not being gritty enough or not staying true to the Riddick character or something because it was a bigger budget, studio film that was held to a PG-13 standard but I have to say that I think it just gave us a different angle on the same cool character. Because it couldn't have quite as much body ripping, blood splattering, violent gore, it had to switch it out for a little more exposition. We still get Riddick being a bad ass but we also got a bit of a story about WHY he is such a bad ass. We get an interesting mythology and we also see a protective side of Riddick that began very subtley in Pitch Black and was expanded in Chronicles - turns out he can make human connections. Oh and that awesome creepy humor from Pitch Black? still totally there, but this time its delivered mostly by his little protege.

So I'm thinking if we have the freedom of an independent film and the rating of Pitch Black but we continue to develop the character depth and connection to others from Chronicles, plus that ever present morbid humor.... this movie can't disappoint!

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #24

They developed the story sitting around in Vin Diesel's kitchen!!

So even though its being distributed by Universal, it was developed as an independent production which means no studio oversight!  David Towhy explains it better here (from 3:01-4:04):

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #25

Riddick is basically driving the batmobile of motorcyles.

Apparently, he's also flying it from time to time.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #26

This is a Universal movie! 

That probably means nothing to anyone else, but KeikeyaSpank has a weird obsession with Universal (she thinks it has something to do with the drums).

Doesn't that just make you insanely happy?! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, now, from listening to that. I'll probably go and listen to it twelve more times after I post this blog.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #27

Vin Diesel is in it.

People will always buy tickets to a Vin Diesel flick.  We're pretty sure it's the law or something.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #28

Its rated R.  

When you make a movie about an ultimate bad ass pitted against a bunch of other bad asses, you can't do it justice and get away with no stinkin' PG-13.

The (not so) Epic Countdown to Riddick: Reason #29

There are aliens!! But, you know, the cool kind.


Sometimes, aliens look like this:

And sometimes they look like this:

Don't get me wrong, Mars Attacks was awesome[ly hilarious], but it was also super cheesy and unbelievable. I like my aliens to look like they could actually exist somewhere in the universe.


(edited to add: And SnowflakeSpank likes her aliens to look like they could eat you. Done and done.)

The (not so) Epic Countdown to 'Riddick: Rule The Dark'

So, Katee's newest film and big screen debut (we think), Riddick is hitting theatres on September 6th, 2013, and TeamSPank is really super jazzed about it. I mean, I'll probably go and see this film at least twice, which is two times more than I ever see anything at the movie theatre (with the exception of the X-Men films, until they killed Professor Xavier and created a nemesis for life out of KeikeyaSpank). Some Spanks might even see it FIVE TIMES (but can't make any promises).

Anyway, since this is a REALLY BIG DEAL, we decided to do a fun little countdown to Riddick to get all of you excited about it, too. So, let's get it started:



Reason #30: This isn't about vampires and werewolves. I don't really think I need to explain this.

Longmire Season 1

Below is a recap of the important moments in Longmire's first season.

Episode 1

Walt has scars on his back and his answering machine still has his dead wife’s voice on it.  Vic cusses twice in the first 2 minutes.  She’s a smartass and tells Walt that he is wasting her time because back in Philadelphia she was a homicide detective.

The Ferg finds pants near the crime scene.  Vic tells a bunch of guys to “Take off your pants”  and makes other pant related comments

Episode 2

Vic starts another episode with a curse in her first sentence.  Vic brings Walt coffee when he is sleeping in his car and announces “room service!” upon waking him abruptly.  

Walt also talks to a dieing horse and a countrified version of Hallelujah plays in the background.  It is sad.

Episode 3

Walt grills his daughter about her mysterious new boyfriend.  Vic doesn’t start the show cussing – this is new.

Vic does the math on a stripper’s paycheck and gets very envious.  She also does a pole dance/strip tease and tells Branch to “Pay up, bitch”

Episode 4

Some ditzy blond chick faints in Walt’s arms and then flirts with him.







Vic tells Walt the faint was a “classic first move” and that he should ask her out but she also seems either jealous or protective.  Walt tells Vic “You think the whole world is flirting.  You ever think it’s just you?” which leans toward jealous but I vote for protective because jealous seems a little gross.




Traffic stops while a dog crosses the street.

Episode 5

Vic & Walt’s daughter Caty get into a bit of a pissing match and mock each other’s personalities and backgrounds.  Other stuff happened.

Episode 6

Ferg ralphs at a crime scene & Vic sleeps in the holding cell at the Sheriff’s station.  Branch’s crazy uncle is quite the entertaining character – violent and funny and the former Sheriff.

Vic puts a chauvinistic hunter in his place when he checks out her ass.   Then she gets shot with a bear tranquilizer and in her drugged haze she over shares with Walt about her jerk of a husband.

Vic breaks the case open while in a hospital gown – because she kicks that much ass!

Episode 7

Vics husband flew home to have “particularly breath-taking sex”.  We get to see a bit of it!  She gets called out to pick Walt’s drunken ass up from the bar.  Her husband is pissy and jealous.

We get a quick glimpse of some cow sex too!

Episode 8

There is a crazy lady and a baby in a rabbit hutch.  Vic chases bad guys and tumbles over the hood of a moving vehicle like a CHAMP!  Lou Diamond Phillips goes all native and sniffs out a cult like a blood hound.

Episode 9

Vic shoots several rounds at a snake that startles her on a dark dirt road and screams like a girl.  She also mocks Walt “How can you tell that Kreskin?” and he pours coffee on her.  Branch looks hot when the wind blows his t-shirt up.  Things blow up over Walt’s daughter dating his deputy and rival, Branch.  Vic tells Branch that he is an idiot and that “you don’t shit where you eat,” when he defends himself she corrects “I mean, don’t shit where I eat!”

Episode 10

Vic and Ferg show up at Walt’s place in the morning and much to their surprise, he isn’t alone!  They show up at a crime scene and it seems everyone knows something Vic doesn’t.  She doesn’t much care for being out of the loop as the new kid in town.



Vic also breaks up a fight between Walt and Branch and yells at them “I should arrest both of you for public stupidity!”  She gets to shoot a compound bow and it is HOT!

Walt’s new love interest drops by the station to give him a little gift.  She and Vic get a little territorial and Vic lets out a cackling laugh.

Vic breaks up a high school lunch room fight in a most AWESOME way.









Walt’s daughter Caty explodes on him revealing that her mother was stabbed to death and did not die of cancer like she had been led to believe by her father.  Seems like maybe Walt then killed his wife’s murderer – maybe.

The Complete & Comprehensive List of Katee/Schmoes Podcasts!

Original Schmoes Knows on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3eBQf3TZ0I – Part 1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ApNwXVbcOZ4 – Part 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbs38_TSKUI – Part 3

Older Schmoes Knows podcasts with Katee:

http://schmoesknow.podbean.com/2011/11/05/episode-24-katee-sackhoff-returns-we-prank-jeremy-jahns/

-- November 2011 – vocal only

-- They have Katee prank Jeremy Jahns

http://schmoesknow.podbean.com/2011/04/17/schmoes-know-1-wkatee-sackhoff/

-- April 2011 – vocal only

-- at 4:24 she says she thinks the writers just wrote themselves into a corner with Starbuck

ToadHop Network with Schmoes Knows:

http://www.toadhopnetwork.com/f/Schmoes#top

8/8/12: Favorite Current Actors

-- Discusses Longmire at the beginning

-- Around 43:30 her pole dance is briefly discussed

-- Katee unbeknownst to us she foreshadows her ‘expendables’ role with Gina

8/22/12: The Summer Movie Season (guests - Sean Astin & Jeremy Jahns)

-- Discusses Sean’s big movies…Goonies, LOTR, Rudy

-- Katee tells about being upset at being called a Classless Whore 43:30

-- She discusses/spoils TED

9/5/12:  Katee asks Mark & Kristen questions from fans

-- Alcohol seems to replace coffee as the drink of choice now

-- Discusses Dragon*Con - her & Mark ‘dragon out’ together!

-- Did Kristen date Katee was asked & sort of sidestepped (yes!?)

-- 40:45 ‘sings’ Cinderelli – sort of

-- 1:31:00 wedgie removal?

-- Just a fun podcast with them being silly (alcohol anyone ;)

9/12/12: (guests - comedian John Capraulo & Adam Ray)

--They discuss various movies. Humorous enough. Not much memorable.

--Katee goes on a bit of an Anti-Avatar rant

--Last few minutes the guys do impersonations & Katee has a hard time not breaking up.

9/19/12: (guests - Tricia Helfer & Kenny Napzok)

--Katee wearing her Indiana Jones hat!

--Tricia finally shows up in the 2^nd half after running late & getting lost.

--Discussions of greatest movie heroes.

--At 1:09:00 Katee is stretching & Tricia decides to tickle her

--1:38:00 Tricia’s dating of Sly Stallone comes out to everyone’s surprise

10/25/12: Talking remakes

--Katee talks about the difference between her movie with Gina and the ‘Expendabelles’

--She talks some about Oculus.

--Josh becomes the ‘schmoetern’ and fetches beer.

--Ken Napzok seems to have become a regular too.

--They discuss the Footloose remake w/director Craig Brewer via phone.

--She appears wearing her engagement ring for the first time, though not announced yet.

--Kind of a quieter podcast IMO.

11/8/12: (guest pro wrestling Roddy Piper)

--Katee’s back to blonde and wearing black rimmed glasses.

--Discussion focuses on the Disney/Star Wars news

--At 15:00 Tiny bit about whether Schmoes should review Riddick & Katee’s boob shot.

--At 42:00 Katee briefly confirms she’s engaged while dodging question about her and Kristen ever dating.

--At 1:05:00 Intern Josh gets punked when he appears to say the wrong thing & gets slapped by Roddy.

--At 1:20:00 they show the Acting Outlaws new calendar.

--Katee bugs out after that.

11/15/12: (Katee & Ken Napzok host the show—Schmoes off screening Red Dawn)

--One of my favorite podcasts since lots of Katee, and she interacts well with Ken.

--Lots of talk of their childhood influences.

--Talks about last week’s prank on intern Josh.

--She talks about her Twilight love.

--She discusses Cutting Edge & getting waterboarded by Sweeney, then makes a bet with Ken about Cutting Edge and she loses.

--She complains about JJ Abrams not hiring her & mentions maybe she should back into his car to get a job.

--Josh talks about an interview he did and Katee & Ken tease him mercilessly.

--Brief talk about her doing the Halloween pic.

--At 43:20 the boys come back & try to reclaim the podcast.

--Katee heads out early at 52:20.