Longmire 2x13 - Bad Medicine

Bunch of different story lines all being covered in the season 2 finale episode.  Lets break them down one at a time.

The "case" for this episode is a Cheyenne man that left a suicide tape talking about time traveling to cleanse his sins.  It somehow involves killing his body to get a new one or something and there is no body at the scene.  More importantly, Branch has figured out that this is the guy who flattened Cady's tire which ultimately resulted in her being hit by a car.  Shady Jacob Nighthorse is also connected to this guy and Branch thinks he asked the guy to mess up Cady's tire.  Jacob says the guy admitted to puncturing Cady's tire because he thought he was helping Jacob & Branch but that Jacob had never asked him to do it.  He also says he found the guy's body and burned it so he could be with his ancestors.  Branch wants a sample of the ashes to confirm it really is him and Jacob says its sacred ground not to be disturbed.  Branch sneaks onto the Res to collect a sample anyway and gets shot.  The episode ends with Walt carrying a bleeding Branch over his shoulder and Branch having said he was shot by a dead man.

The Denver PD also show up with a bunch of search warrants for Walt & Henry's homes and offices as part of the investigation of the death of the meth-head that killed Walt's wife.  Henry reveals to Walt that it wasn't him OR Walt that killed Walt's wife's murderer.  It was Hector, the Cheyenne mercenary.  Hector says he beat the man like he has never beaten anyone, but he didn't kill him.  So now they are all wondering who DID kill him.  Cady mentions something that makes Walt rethink a detail of his wife's case and now he thinks the meth head was paid to kill his wife and then that person killed the meth-head.  He tells the Denver cop but the Denver cop says he has enough evidence to arrest Henry and has.  Walt flips out and turns over all the furniture in his office.


The episode starts with Ed Gorski, Vic's stalker, having been beaten within an inch of his life.  Ferg finds that he has called Vic 30+ times and thinks they are having an affair and Vic's husband probably beat Ed.  Walt talks to Gorski and finds out he never saw his attacker because he was hit in the back of the head but Ed thinks Walt did it.  He also thinks Walt & Vic are sleeping together.  Vic finds out about Walt having threatened Gorski and goes to the hospital to try to talk Ed out of pointing the finger at Walt.
He tells her "I want you to feel what it's like to have everything you care about taken away.  I want you to hurt, Vic." She says she thinks she can make that happen and gives him an envelope that we find out contains a blank police report that she wants him to fill out saying she beat him.  She tells Walt what she has done but Walt doesn't believe she really beat Ed and says if he files that report, Vic won't have a job anymore, there or anywhere.





Vic takes the news of her likely unemployment pretty calmly and goes home to be domestic.  Her husband gets home from being out of town on work and she tells him he should get used to her being home during the day.  When she explains what is going on, at first he is protective and sweet but then he gets pissy and jealous when he hears its Gorski and when the phone rings he tells her to answer it because it might be another one of her ex boyfriends coming back in the picture.




The phone call is actually from the hospital and she goes only to find out Ed is gone and he left her the envelope.  Inside it is the police report with nothing written on it but "See you soon!"  CREEEPY!







The last we see of Vic she is waiting with a gun on her darkened stairs with a dangerous look on her face.

Longmire 2x12 - A Good Death is Hard to Find

This episode starts with recitations of amateur cowboy poetry.  WEIRD!


The case:  Finger in a safe deposit box willed to the Sheriff.  Lucian, Branch's crazy former Sheriff Uncle.  A manipulative girlfriend.  LOTS of lies.  The Ferg lets a suspect go and everyone thinks he screwed up.  Turns out he actually did something really clever and everyone is impressed.  YAY FERG!






The important stuff:  Vic is still being stalked by Ed, her ol' buddy from Philly.  She finds evidence that someone has broken into her car and her house.  She confronts him and smacks his car in frustration.









She showers with a gun and someone took a bite out of her soap so she ends up sleeping in the office cell.








Vic tells Walt what is going on and all of the back story of why she left Philly and became a blonde.  He tells her since her husband is out of town, she should stay at his cabin until they deal with the stalker.

Lizzie shows up late at night and accuses Walt & Vic of having an affair.  Walt & Vic both strongly object but awkward looks also get passed around.

Vic goes to Henry to try to hire the mercenary from the Res to scare off Ed Gorski but Henry snitches on her to Walt.  Walt goes to scare off Ed himself with threats and stories about Hector and Achilles in the Iliad. High brow intimidation.

Longmire 2x11 - Natural Order

It seems Walt stayed out all night in the desert leaning backward from the ropes tied through his chest skin until the skin finally rips through.  Is it just me, or is ripping your nipples off not a really creepy way to prove you love your daughter??

Cady is awake and plays a pretty hilarious prank on Branch pretending her head injury made her forget him.  His face is priceless.

Henry tells a cute story about punching Walt as a kid the first time they met.

A game warden is stabbed to death and Walt takes more interest in the headless elk nearby.  We get poachers and Chinese remedies and cancer patients and loving husbands and wasting sickness and doting fathers but mostly we get Vic pulling a face when she & Walt uncover some gross evidence.

Longmire 2x10 - Election Day

Its election day and Walt's campaign rally is full of dancing and fun and Vic out of uniform again.  Its a little country for Vic:  "that block of ice is charming but its not a very efficient way to make a drink."

 Walt dances with a voter.  Ferg dances impressively well with Cady.  Ferg likes Cady!


Cady is shuttling people from the Reservation who don't have cars to their polling places to vote.  Vic gets called to a car accident and finds Cady in the grass with her eyes open but she is unresponsive and bloody.  She looks dead.








Cady is in the ICU and Ferg flips out over finding the person that hit her.  Vic has to reign him in before he blows the case or gets himself hurt.  Vic blames herself when her investigation runs out of leads.  Henry blames himself for not driving a drunk home himself since the guy the drunk called to pick him up turned out to be the one that hit Cady.  Walt blames himself for being happy instead of protecting Cady.





Walt decides he has to atone for the sins of Denver with an old Cheyenne ritual.  He tethers himself to a pole with hooks through his skin in the night.  YIKES!

Oh, and he won the Sheriff's election, but no one really cares about that right now.

Longmire 2x09 - Tuscan Red

Henry convinces Walt to admit he wants to win the election. And then something explodes. Subtle.
At the site of the explosion, Vic has to play peace keeper between Sheriff Longmire and Res Police Cheif Mathias.

The explosion is the result of methane build up in the house coming out of the water pipes. Vic's husband works for the fracking company that the a lot of the Res believes is ruining their water supply. She rescues him from a violent riot by arresting him.







Vic says fracking repeatedly in this episode. Battlestar Galactica fans everywhere giggle with delight.

Cady intentionally gets a speeding ticket from Branch to tell him its over between them. He disagrees. Later, she gets drunk and dances like a wild woman. Branch leers at her like a creeper. They both end up drunk and acting like horny teenagers.

Branch tells Walt to be a better father to Cady and implies that he should resign from the election in order to do so.

Longmire 2x08 - The Great Spirit

Another western staple: a dead guy being dragged behind a horse!  Walt gets his cowboy on by lassoing the wild horse.



Vic, Branch and Walt go to an illegal rodeo out of uniform walking in like the Mod Squad.  Vic flirts for information and then awkwardly doesn't know what to do after the information runs out.  Branch tries to be slick but his political ambition (i.e. plastering the town with campaign signs of his face) blows his cover.  Well done, jerk face.

extra undercover Vic picture just because... HOT!

Everything gets flipped on its head when the dirt bag victim turns out to be a real saint and the "aw shucks, Sheriff" good guy turns out to be the murderer.  Walt uses the same wild horse to get a confession.  City girl Vic is trying to manage the rearing horse while Walt takes his sweet time getting his confession.


Henry and Walt have to get their stories straight about the trip to kill Walt's wife's murderer because the Denver detective is snooping around again.  We get more of the story in flashbacks including a very old Native woman who sewed up Walt's wounds.  Henry goes to visit her to make sure she won't tell the detective about that night.  He asks if she remembers that night and with a very slight twink in her eye, quietly shakes her head, then asks if Henry's friend is well.  He says he may have put her and his friend in a bad position.  She says, "You did right,"  and then asks,  "What did the first Warrior say to the Great Spirit?"  Henry smiles and we get a voice over of him telling the tale.  While we hear Henry's tale, we see Walt releasing the wild horse and telling it to go home.

The first warrior looked out on the land that was his home.  He saw the hills, and the stars, and he was happy.  For giving him his home, the first warrior told the Great Spirit he would fight and win many battles in his honor.  But the great spirit said "No.  Do not fight for me.  Fight for your tribe.  Fight for the family born to you.  Fight for the brothers you find.  Fight for them," the Great Spirit said, "for they are your home."

The horse runs a little ways off and then looks back at Walt.

  They have a moment.  The horse comes back to thank Walt as Henry's story ends.

We all choke back tears.

Longmire 2x07 - Sound and Fury

Cady helps to identify someone at the Red Pony.  She refers to him as the "hot one" and Vic says he has to be a "bad boy." This whole line of conversation seems to make Walt very uncomfortable.

Vic runs into someone she apparently knew in Philly.  The conversation is friendly but there is definitely something creepy and threatening and Vic can't wait to get away from him.

Vic gets a drink with creepy guy from her past and he mentions being hard on her during "the whole IA thing and Bobby." Apparently Bobby committed suicide.

The case involves hitmen and Vic thinks her old pal might be involved.  Turns out its this train hopping, Shakespeare quoting, philosophy spouting psychopath who holds Henry at gunpoint.  Walt shoots the guy, saving Henry and quips about not letting him take his truck.  Good fun!

Longmire 2x06 - Tell it Slant

A drunk Indian guy rides a horse backward wearing a mask. Walt says he is a "Contrary Warrior" and he does the unexpected to make people examine their beliefs.  Vic thinks "thats annoying."  Henry says his tribe does not have a Contrary Warrior anymore and this guy is just "a pest, with pretentions."

Indian remains show up at a property Branch's dad is developing into a golf course.  Branch's dad is a dick.  So is shady Jacob Nighthorse.

The victim is a Cheyenne psychic.  Everyone is ragging on psychics as frauds and grifters but Vic has gotten her cards read and is pretty pissy about the disrespect everyone is showing the victim and her clients.

At a debate between Branch & Walt for the sheriff's election some woman refers to Vic as "some foul mouthed blonde lady" who isn't even from here.  Vic is not amused.  

Longmire 2x05 - Party's Over

Lizzie lures Walt out to her house to seduce him with a false break in report.   Lizzie's lusty plans are thwarted when Walt takes a call for a real crime.

In trying to question a female fighter, Vic ends up in the ring... getting her ass kicked. 

They also have to question these charming "magazine" salesmen.  These fine, upstanding citizens of Absaroka County.





Vic:  How is it that kids out here in the middle of no where still manage to look like Philly gangsters?

Walt:  They all watch the same tv shows.







Other stuff happens and they solve the case.  Moral of this story? Drugs are bad!


Cady is finally back in town after having been in Denver asking about the circumstances around her mother's death that Walt had hidden from her for the last year.  She and Walt have a heart to heart and things look like they are mending.

Longmire 2x04 - The Road to Hell

What western is complete without an episode about cattle rustling and crooked cow cops?

So a truck full of cattle get stolen and then cows start showing up around town making political statements.  As cows are want to do, of course.

Vic has a secret admirer that really freaks her out - she gets flowers with a card that says "Happy Anniversary" but her wedding anniversary is several months off.

She seems to know exactly what this is about, but she's not sharing.

When her husband brings her breakfast in bed and asks her what is bothering her, she quietly tells him "they found me."

Vic's vulnerability is heart breaking.  Give this girl an Emmy!

Longmire 2x03 - Death Came in Like Thunder

Vic and Walt respond to a 911 call and Vic laughs at the victim's helmet cam recording of his own tumble down mountainous hills.  "Ass over heels.  I gotta see that again."  she chuckles, ignoring his pain.

Turns out his bike flipped over a dead body, not a rock - oops!  New victim.  Case of the dead Basque sheepherder leads to mail order brides where Vic and the match maker don't quite see eye to eye.

I can't believe men pay you for this.

A lot of men think American women are pushy and overbearing.

But Vic gets touchy when the match maker tries to set Walt up.

Other stuff happens.  For one thing, this guy keeps going all Hulk Smash!  Ferg makes a discovery that basically breaks the case - Go Ferg!  And Branch's campaign for Sheriff has him in the pocket of Jacob, the shady Native from the Reservation.  We don't like Jacob.

Also, this episode informs us that Vic has to google hemlock to know its what killed Socrates, that Walt knows about art, and that Henry can get a little dark and scary sometimes.  

A good woman was murdered. 
A bad man is dead.  End of story.

Longmire 2x02 - Carcasses

A body is found in the compost bin of the road kill clean up lady.  If not for the carcass lady, that'd be Vic's job.  Yuck.

The investigation leads to some truck stop hookers.  Vic has far too much fun with this!

There is a soldier with PTSD but she turns out to have nothing to do with the case.

Vic wakes Walt up from sleeping in the cell by kicking the metal cot leg and loudly asking "what the hell ya doing sleeping in here?"

Longmire 2x01 - The Unquiet Mind

Vic yells at a Buffalo to get out of the road. As if she thinks she might be able to bully a buffalo. She fails.

Walt is a tough old bastard with a death wish so he goes chasing after a bunch of escaped prisoners, by himself, up in the mountains, on foot, during a blizzard.

Walt hallucinates a bunch on the mountain, Branch insists he come with Henry to search for Walt and Vic ends up stuck at the Sheriff's office with a bunch of federal jack asses. She is pretty much losing her shit with worry.  Then she pulls a Starbuck and punches a superior asshole.

(gif courtesy of Fuck Yeah Vic Moretti)

Walt fights and tumbles down a mountain with the bad guy. Eventually they both passout from the cold and when Henry and Branch find them the bad guy is frozen to death but Walt is conscious and quippy.

Are You Ready for Season Three of Longmire?

In just a few short days we will begin our countdown to the season premiere.  We will be posting a recap of each season two episode every day leading up to June 2nd.  Keep an eye out for it!

In the meantime, enjoy this trailer for Season Three of Longmire...

2014 Acting Outlaws Calendar Reviewed

As a Spank certified* art critic, the duty falls to me to review the 2014 Acting Outlaws calendar. Let us not delay any more and dive right in, shall we? As an advocate of the black and white aesthetic, I must note that the limited chromatic range gives a more simplistic sophistication to this calendar in comparison with the 2013 edition that cannot escape the stranglehold of modern color consumerism. The cover of this 2014 calendar juxtaposes the soft, smooth flow of Katee’s light hair and airy attire with Tricia’s wild angular waves and tight to the body vest while still declaring the beauty of both figures with their equality of primacy.

With regard to the issue of content, we move into January and February with their divergent handling of light. January’s use of highlight and shadow to bring the viewer’s gaze to the shoulder, collarbone and eyes against the busy background reflections is in direct contrast to February’s entirely black background that creates a spotlight effect on the foregrounded face and the reductive quality of the hot white light. The exploration of the montage elements in March brings these two faces together in perpendicular perspective. The sublime beauty of the purity of line threatens to penetrate the essentially transitional quality.

I find April and May playful because of the optical suggestion of the sexual signifier visually and conceptually activates the subconscious mind without inherent over specificity. In April the direct gaze, and open body posture are confident and daring, a challenge to the viewer while the parted lips and fringe of hair that partially obstructs that almost menacing gaze making the subject more accessible and beckoning the viewer to engage. May however does not invite to the viewer to participate but instead to watch. The gaze is down and the posture is closed off with the arms crossed in front of the body as if to protect herself from the viewer’s site but she smiles in her private story.

The aura of the summer heat notated by the desert background and subject attire is brings within the realm of discourse the intrinsic hotness of Katee Sackhoff and Tricia Helfer. Yeah, okay, so these ladies are hot and it had to be said. I didn’t have a snootier artsier way of saying that but seriously, they risk setting the page aflame!

July demonstrates the iconicity and internal dynamic of the sexy fish paradigm. It should be added that the subaqueous qualities of the pose spatially undermines the potential indecency of the nudity. While the gaze in July is direct and challenges us to see impropriety in its elegance, the gaze in August is cast back over the subject’s shoulder and asks us to empathize instead of judge. The distinctive formal juxtaposition is completed by the coyness of gesture. A long and lovely line begins at the timidly lowered chin, along an elegant neck and down a curving back. The strength of this line against the apprehension of the gaze and gesture suggests the subject may have been surprised by the presence of the viewer.

September fractures the pattern of difference in the images. In previous month pairs or dual subject images there has been an element or theme that contrasts the women. In September, however, the spatial relationships and use of repetition verge on codifying beauty in the minds of the audience. After this repetition in September we see a month pair full of similarity in October and November. Both images are soft and unchallenging with a sense of vulnerability. The metaphorical resonance of the figure narrative contextualizes the devious simplicity of beauty.

The muted tone of December evokes the impression of beauty carved out of stone. It is smooth, complex, strong, elongated, angular, intimate, flowing…. Okay, I’ve been caught again in my falsehood. When confronted by the level of perfection seen in the December photograph, the pretext of art critique fails. Are there really words to express such beauty? I think not. So instead, you should just buy the calendar through the Acting Outlaws Store or Red Bubble so that you can have 13 images of astonishing beauty in your hands and to display as you please.


* a self-appointed title that should not be taken to signify any education in the field of art criticism beyond the assistance of Pixmaven